I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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