I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
