I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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