The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
