Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
the condom got lost in my hair
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
