Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
handjob tips. give me some.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
