I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
