Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Less talking, more tequila
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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