So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
