Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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