chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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