idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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