this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
