fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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