ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Everyone says I win the strip club
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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