There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
