just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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