oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize