fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
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