HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize