Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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