If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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