so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize