What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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