if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
