I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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