thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
