dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize