Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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