my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
