fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
