why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Are we still banned from the library?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
