We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
