How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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