I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
