So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
