the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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