Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
