Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just tell him i said nine months
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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