Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry oneirony hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(480): View more from Arizona

I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial

Fav 7 1589 1175
share tweet
(910): View more from North Carolina

I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick

Fav 23 911 5956
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(720): View more from Colorado

I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.

Fav 10 5703 1209
share tweet
(717): View more from Pennsylvania

please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.

Fav 10 1660 4085
share tweet
(603): View more from New Hampshire

his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all

Fav 53 947 4900
share tweet
(210): View more from Texas

Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.

Fav 20 1362 4778
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.

Fav 4 1172 2319
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(775): View more from Nevada

FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left

Fav 7 569 1314
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol

Fav 0 38 16
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT