Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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