Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
