I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
