I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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