where does the pee come out of this thing
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
