Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
