i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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