..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
