My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
