I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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