after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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