just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
