Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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