We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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