You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
