I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize