We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
