Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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