Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
