hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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