I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my shit smells like andre
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
