She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize