I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
