Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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