That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
