so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
