Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
