Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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