Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
And then my night got REAL pukey
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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