either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
