i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
