my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
