in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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