Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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