corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
